Shh...Mine (This. Is. Not. Over.) Read online

  I wonder if this could have been my life instead of wasting so many years with Jon. If I would have only stepped out on a limb and turned over that ID so many years ago, my life would be so different. Yeah, you can say that I wouldn’t have had Nicky but my philosophy about children is much different than most. In my mind, I was destined to be the mother of a little boy named Nicholai who possessed the same spirit and temperament as my Nicky. So either way, whether with Jon or Malcolm or whomever, I would have had my Nicky and even if he looked different, his spirit would be the same. So I can honestly sit here and say that I think that Jon is a wonderful father but I wish that I could have the chance of picking my child’s father all over again. It would not be Jon. It would be with a man that wants to be both a loving dad and a loving husband, not one who chooses between one or the other. I close my eyes and exhale over my regret. Oh well. I’m young and who knows what the future holds. I’m not one of those women who believe that you can only have children with one man. To be honest, two is my limit. I married Jon young, we had a baby young, we divorced young. Does that mean that my I can no longer bear another human being in my older age once I am wiser? Once both another man and I are wiser?

  “How do you feel?” Malcolm. I open my eyes and watch him as he walks into the room with nothing on. His body is wet and he’s drying off his hair with a small hand towel. I smile.

  “I’m still getting used to that.” I say as I point to his hand towel.

  “We’ve been through this, white people have to wash their hair every day.” I laugh. It’s just so weird to me. He smiles and heads to his drawer to find some boxers. Damn, his body is perfect. His thighs look like they could choke a bear, his shoulders look like he can carry the weight of the world. And he doesn’t shave. That may sound weird to some women that a man doesn’t shave but I for one love a man who doesn’t shave…um…down there. Jon shaves down there and I hate it. It’s so porn star to me. I love for a man to look au naturel down there, it reminds me of primitive times when a man’s passion was primal and animalistic. That’s how I see Malcolm. He has his moments when he’s sensual and deep and then there are those moments when he’s primitive and salacious. Either way, he’s wonderful. I watch him slide his boxers on before turning to look back at me. “The pictures…” He says as he smirks and then shakes his head before going to find a t-shirt.

  “I can’t Malcolm. I can’t even talk about those pictures.” I hear him laugh. “It’s not funny, I mean, who else did they go to?”

  “Nobody.” He said that like he knew it to be fact.

  “How do you know?” He says nothing as he puts his t-shirt on. You must’ve talked to Laura. Jealously springs up in me as I think of him and the fact that he’s perfect and he’s mine now. Do you still want her! Huh? Answer me! “Talk to Laura did you?” He looks at me with that smirk of his.

  “I think about you every moment of the day. I wait by the phone for your call. My eyes follow you whenever you enter a room and they have since day one. I’ve waited for you for twelve years. I sent you flowers every spring and birthday cards every December.” He raises his eyebrows at me. Do you understand me Red? I take a sip of my coffee. Fine.

  “I trust you’ll handle it.” I take another sip of my coffee and look at him over the brim.

  “Of course.” He says, but I hear, trust me, please. He looks at me, waiting for me to excuse him, I need to get to an early meeting but I don’t want to walk away if you’re mad. Damn, I kinda, sorta, really…um…like this man. Yeah, I like him. (It’s too soon Danielle, it’s too soon.) I give him a nod and then he walks to his closet to get dressed for work and I slip out of his bed to do the same. If he said he’ll handle it, then he’ll handle it.

  “Where the fuck is my car!” I say as I turn in a complete circle on Stuart Street. I look to valet who’s parking cars for the W Hotel.

  “Huh?” The valet asks.

  “Don’t say huh if you’ve heard me!” I hate that! “My car, where is my car? I parked it right here, I was in there in a meeting for three hours and now it’s gone.” Lord. Give. Me. Strength.

  “What did it look like?” I don’t know why this question annoys me but right now I want to stand in front of this man and give him a throat punch.

  “Oh my god…silver. It’s silver.”

  “And the make?”

  “BMW. A silver BMW.”

  “I’m sorry but I didn’t notice a BMW.” Of course not! I’m in the Theatre District, there are tons of BMW’s flying around here.

  “Why is this happening!” I yell out in my best Marlon Brando’s, Stella!, interpretation. People on the sidewalk have the nerve to move away from me.

  “Are you sure you drove it?” Is he stupid?

  “Am I sure that I used transportation to get to my point of destination? Yes, I am sure.”

  “I’m just trying to help.” He throws his hands up. I have to close my eyes and breathe. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale… I take my phone out of my clutch…inhale…exhale . I dial Lola.

  “Just landed, I’m in a car now on the way to my place.” She answers.

  “Laura stole my car. She just stole my car, Lola. Come get me before I have a heart attack.” Breathe…breathe…

  “Okay, where are you?”

  “Just pick me up from in front of the W on Stuart.” Inhale…exhale…

  “I’m on my way; go to the Starbucks next to City Place.”

  “Fine.” I end the call and try to recollect myself. I can do this. I can act sane even though my priest has just seen me sucking dick, I have been locked out of my own home and someone just drove away with my car. I can still be sane. Sanity is a choice. I hurry across the street and into the Starbucks. To be sane, I must relax. I must calm down and talk slow. Breathe and talk.

  “Tall…E…thi…opia…blend…please.” I say to the barista with the Santa Clause hat on. “I’m acting sane.” She raises an eyebrow. “Just get me two tall coffees.” She scurries off. I roll my eyes and go sit at a table. And then my phone starts buzzing. I can’t. I can’t answer it. I know it’s Malcolm. I know Lola’s called him. And while I know this is not his fault, something in the back of my mind is saying that it is. So that’s why I won’t accept his call. I don’t want to argue and I don’t want to be mad at him.

  My coffee is delivered to my table and I sit and wait for Lola to arrive. I would call the police and my insurance company but I think it’s best to tell Malcolm first. He may have something else he wants to do that doesn’t involve the proper protocol. I’m breathing and trying my best to clear my mind of negative thoughts when my phone keeps buzzing. Finally, I see Lola jump out of a town car with a carryon bag and her purse. She hurries into Starbucks and looks around. I wave her over.

  “Here.” I say as I push her coffee towards her. Her face is soaked with concern as she sits and then reaches out and places my hands in hers. “I called Malcolm.”

  “I know.”

  “He’s been trying to call you.”

  “I know.”

  “He told me to call him when I got here.”

  “Don’t.”

  “Okay. I called my father.”

  “And?”

  “He said that Laura’s just been all over the place…crying, can’t sleep, calling Malcolm nonstop, showing up at his office at least three times a week, interrupting business dinners.”

  “Lola, she’s stalking him.”

  “She is. I hear she’s calling his office at least five times a day. Nat and Jacob hear her screaming into the phone, asking him to forgive her,” She takes a sip of coffee, “Begging for him to leave you.”

  “Malcolm never mentioned this to me.”

  “Of course not Danielle. Come on…”

  “I don’t get it, what did she do?” Lola stares at me for a moment and then I see tears forming in her eyes.

  “What?” She clenches her jaw and then takes a long sip of the scalding hot coffee.

  “Laura…” She takes an
other sip of her coffee, “Laura…” She closes her eyes. What did Laura do?

  “What happened Lola?”

  “Laura slept with Cadence.” If my mouth had the ability to drop down to the table, like in those Looney Tunes movies, it would have. Laura cheated on Malcolm with Cadence?

  “No offense Lola, but why would she cheat on Malcolm with Cadence?” Cadence is cute in a man-child kind of way but Malcolm is visually complex. Cadence was right, when he’s clean shaven, he looks like an All-American, when he has an after-five shadow he looks like a Viking. Either way, he’s a fantasy waiting to come true. He rich, he’s handsome, he’s respected and he’s a sweetheart. Why cheat on him?

  “Because of you.”

  “Huh?” (I know, I know…shut up.) “Why me?”

  “Remember I told you the story of the guys having that inside joke about red?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, Laura found out that red was an actual person when she saw a receipt for flowers Malcolm sent to you. The message was written on it and she noticed it was addressed to Red.”

  “So she wanted to get back at him?”

  “Yep. And apparently, my husband was her best bet.” She takes a sip of coffee and then clenches her jaw.

  “What kind of shit is that?”

  “That’s Laura.”

  “And now she’s trying to drive me crazy just to get Malcolm back?”

  “No, she knows she will never get him back. She’s just trying to fuck with you now.” How am I supposed to take this news?

  “Lola, what am I supposed to do? I have a son and when he comes home, I can’t be scared to death of staying home alone with him in our place.”

  And before she could say another word, Malcolm nearly crashes into a side door, his coat open, his face frantic. A gust of freezing wind follows him as he scans Starbucks for Lola and me. Once he looks to me, he waits by the door and just looks at me. I need to talk to you, can I? No.

  “Lola, I need to leave. I’ll call you tonight.”

  “Danielle-“

  But before she can answer, I’ve already grabbed my coat, clutch and work bag and I’m heading through the doors closest to me to one of the cabs in front of the W Hotel. And as I climb in the back of one, I hear Malcolm asking me to stay.

  “Danielle, I swear I’ll fix this,” I hear him say as the cab pulls off. “This is what I do. I swear I’ll fix this.” Then do it!

  December 7th

  Malcolm 4:37pm: Dinner?

  Me 5:30pm: Still in the office.

  Malcolm 5:31pm: Dessert?

  Me 5:44pm: …I’ll be here late…

  Malcolm 5:44pm: Anything Red. I’ll take anything

  Me 8:24pm: Coffee, Pinckney St & Mount Vernon

  Malcolm 8:25pm: Heading there now

  “You’re card is declined.”

  “What?”

  The cabbie turns around to look at me and we have a stare off. He’s probably wondering where the hell his money is, I’m wondering why the hell any card of mine would be declined.

  “I don’t understand.” I say to him. “What do you mean declined?”

  “It won’t work, uh…” He shrugs.

  “Fuck!” I scream as I throw my head back against the headrest and clamp my eyes close. It’s either that or I bust out crying.

  “Uh, do you have another card?” Of course I have another card! I own my own business! I have a trust fund! There is no card of mine that shouldn’t be working! I reach into my clutch and take out every American Express I own. I hand them all to him. “Which one?”

  “Just choose.”

  And I sit with my head against the headrest of the cab, with my eyes closed and listen to the cabbie say declined, declined, declined, declined… What the hell did I get myself into with Malcolm? I try to breathe in steady breaths so that I don’t cry.

  “Sorry but…” I open my eyes and he’s trying to hand them all back to me. I’m so exhausted, so flabbergasted, I don’t even take them back. My mind is trying to process what is happening and it concludes that Laura has done something with my accounts. Even my business account won’t work. I look out through the cab window and think. Think Danielle, what should you do?

  “Take me to Bobby Brown’s side of town.”

  “Pardon?” I close my eyes.

  “Roxbury.”

  And within seconds, we’re pulling away from Starbucks, away from Malcolm who is most likely inside and to the only person I know that I can be completely gangster with. Rena. My mind is planning as we ride to Rena’s. I’m planning what my next step is. Either I can be a victim or I can be a fighter and I wasn’t made to be a victim. Laura is trying to control me and I’m not created to be controlled. I will go down fighting, whether or not I win the game and whether or not Malcolm is by my side if I do.

  Me 9:06pm: On my way, need you to pay the cabbie

  Rena 9:08pm: Something wrong?

  Me: 9:08pm: I’m being stalked.

  My phone rings.

  “What the hell is going on?” Rena asks. I can hear Matt and another guy in the background joking around.

  “Malcolm’s ex is stalking me.” I whisper so the cabbie can’t hear me over the radio. “She’s broken into my apartment and taken pictures of us in bed, she’s changed the locks on my door, yesterday she stole my car and now none of my debit cards will work.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Laura Rossi.”

  “Not Senator Rossi’s daughter.”

  “Yep, that’s the one.”

  “Interesting, we handle some of his accounts at the firm. I’m sure we handle hers too.” A ray of hope sparks in my eyes. Rena and Matt are financial investors, Laura’s screwing with my money, now they can screw with hers.

  “Can you get an address on her?”

  “Of course I can. I’m walking to my office now.” Matt and his friend fade away in the background as I hear Rena’s heels click across their wood floors. Control. Within moments, I hear her typing. “Just logging in.” She tells me. I wait patiently, probably two full minutes, until her clicking stops. “Okay darling, I’ll see you when you get here.” I can hear the pure joy in Rena’s voice. I smile.

  “See you in a few.” I hang up and actually enjoy the ride into Roxbury until my cell buzzes. Malcolm.

  Malcolm 9:14pm: Is everything okay?

  Me: 9:15pm: I was outside of Starbucks but I had no money. That bitch of yours is fucking with my accounts.

  He calls. I don’t answer.

  Malcolm 9:17pm: Where are you

  I don’t answer. I know that this is not Malcolm’s fault but he’s the reason why Laura is trying to destroy me. My phone rings again and of course it’s Malcolm. I’m not into playing games so since I don’t want to talk to him; I block his calls and text. Let’s take a breather. I continue to enjoy the ride to Roxbury and debate whether or not I should tell my mother what’s going on. I instantly decide not to. I hope that Malcolm and I can eventually resolve this and I don’t want her to be prejudiced against him. Moms have a way of hating someone for life over their child. My phone buzzes.

  Jon 9:19pm: Checking in on you.

  Wow, that’s sweet. In fact, it’s one of the sweetest things he’s done in a while. We’re not married and Nicky’s with him but he’s still calling to check on me.

  Me: 9:20pm: That’s sweet, thanks. I’m good. Nicky okay?

  Jon 9:20pm: Of course, just wanted to make sure you’re good

  Me 9:21pm: I am, thank you…actually on my way to Rena’s.

  Jon 9:21pm: Have fun

  Then he sends a picture of Nicky at Disneyland, smiling with Pluto. I smile. He’s a good dad. I decide to tell him so again, just in case no one has in a while.

  Me: 9:23pm: You’re a good dad Jon

  Jon 9:24pm: Thanks Danny. Wish I was as good a husband.

  Wow. What do I say?

  Me 9:26pm: No one’s perfect

  Jon 9:26pm: Losing you is my biggest regret Danielle
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  Whoa. Damn, what do I say?

  Me 9:28pm: Divorce was never in my plans either

  Jon 9:29pm: I hope that one day, I can fit back into your plans again.

  Me 9:30pm:

  Umm….okay…

  “What the hell?” I say as the cabbie pulls over in front of Rena’s house and I see her standing outside talking…to Malcolm. They both seem to be in a deep discussion with Rena’s face looking as hard as stone and Malcolm talking to her, using his hands for emphasis. How did he know I was coming here? When they both see me, Rena heads to the cab but Malcolm walks ahead of her, taking his wallet out. Hell, I don’t care who pays, as long as someone pays. The bill is nearly eighty bucks. I head out of the cab without even looking at Malcolm who’s paying the guy and walk straight to Rena. I’m here, it’s freezing, and I’m pissed. I’m not in a good mood and the last person that I want to see is Malcolm.

  “How did he know I was coming here?” I ask Rena.

  “No idea, he literally just showed up here. I was already outside waiting for you so that you and I could just hop in the truck and find this bitch.”

  “How did he get here so fast?” She shrugs. I look back to the cab and see Malcolm walking to us. He’s so perfect. His shoulders in that black wool coat, his scarf that’s just hanging inside of his collar, his perfect jaw, that dark hair, that walk…

  “That’s a fine ass white boy. Goddamn.” Rena mumbles before he comes to stand with us, his hands in his pockets, his eyes stuck on me.

  “I fixed your accounts.” He said, his voice contrite as though he’s the one who closed them. “I know a guy.”

  “She’s been calling you?” I ask him as I cross my arms over my chest.

  “Yes.”

  “Then you two aren’t over.” I can feel a sob in my throat but I will not cry because it’s too cold and Rena is here and I won’t cry in front of Rena over my new boyfriend. Jon, yes. Another man? Hell no.

  “You are the only woman that I want.”